Why are you so obsessed with the toilet?
Even after the great plunge of two ought seventeen, you still insist on challenging a one-handed me to keep you at bay.
How can you differentiate the toilet from, say, the couch? Both are sat upon, both are read upon. How do you know this seat is special?
Why do you want to lick the edge of the toilet bowl? Just…why?
Do you think that you pitiful whining when the seat cover goes down will actually change my mind? Oh, of course, kitten, let me just leave this up for you. That’s a great idea.
Why don’t you have enough self preservation to NOT jump onto a surface that is sometimes actually a hole?
How is the sound of a urine stream so mesmerizing?
Where do you think the hole goes? Are you convinced we’re keeping something from you? A magical fun-time world that is, for some reason, at the end of tiny tube filled with water that makes horrifying noises?
Is this obsession going to end? Should I enroll you in some sort of 12 step program?
Kitten, are you okay?
A.K. Caggiano 