One of the nicest things about yoga, and specifically a daily practice, is the invitation to put everything else out of your mind for that time you spend on your mat. You don’t throw up harsh walls and block everything out or even focus really hard on nothingness, but you acknowledge the wayward thoughts, the to-dos, the worries, and then you send them away. In a culture where we are expected to multi-task and where we’ve redefined the word priority into the concept of many priorities, it’s nice to turn off for a bit. I’m not always completely capable of it, but I usually find by the end of a session, I am genuinely zenned out.
Sometimes I feel completely crazy. I wonder if my perception of things is just totally off when something odd happens around me. I think Is this fucked up, or am I just fucked up? I don’t want it to be me that’s off, but that would make things easier because I could just tell myself to stop being a dickhead. I want to constantly check myself (before I wreck myself), to make sure I’m being fair, thoughtful, kind, open. If this situation were happening to someone else, what advice would I give that person? If this situation were happening in a vacuum, would I react the same way? Am I coming to whatever conclusion for benevolent reasons?
But, as my mom told me, “Crazy people don’t think they’re crazy.” She’s convinced that as long as I’m questioning my sanity, I’m sane. I’ll take that vote of confidence any day.