Who I am and who I want to be are different, no doubt, but they get a little closer on the spectrum of person as time goes on. Not consistently, mind you, but on average.
Someone reminded me today that I’m “doing the damn thing,” and ya know what? Hell yeah, I am!
I’ve wanted to be an author since I was first stringing words together, scribbling out stories about Santa Claus bringing Christmas gifts to zoo animals. I used to type in neon on a black screen on my grandparents’ computer in the 90s that ran DOS and print out pages of poems and short stories on that paper with the perforated edges. I created pages and pages of backstory for my NeoPets for that whole little world to see. I used Algebra class as a drafting session and taught myself the math later that night while doing homework. This is my dream, and even though I haven’t got an agent or a paycheck from a publishing house, I’m doing it.
Never in my life have I so consistently woken up looking forward to the day and feeling accomplished before I even begin. I used to wonder what the point was, but I think this might be it: finding something that fulfills you and indulging in it. For some people that’s mountain climbing or nursing or having children or collecting postage stamps, but I’m pretty sure that, for me, this is it. And this gets me closer to that ideal version of myself.
I hope, if you haven’t yet, you find that thing that makes your heart sing and your morning special. And when you find it, or if you have, I hope people are kind to you and support you and don’t try to hurt you with it. And I hope you can hold onto it for as long as it serves you, hopefully forever. Because you–both who you are and who you want to be–deserve it.
A.K. Caggiano 