I’ve been feeling stuck in the in between for years now. It’s been perpetual waiting in so many categories: home, work, family, and though I’ve broken out in some regard, I still feel like I’m floating. There’s no anchor, no starting gun, no momentum.
Life feels like a liminal space. A forever corridor with a door I can see at the end promising a change in scenery–at least new wallpaper!–but that door never actually gets closer. And I have a heavy hand in it, for sure–if you don’t start, you can’t fail–but it seems even when I try to veer off into one of the other rooms along the hall it’s just all locked doors.
So, then I wonder: is this forever? Like, maybe it’s not actually limbo I’m in but eternity. Then again, what’s the difference really? They’re both just an unchanging state of constant lingering. And I don’t have to wait for Thing A to come to fruition to do Thing B, not really, it would just be nice, but what if when I do Thing B it doesn’t have the effect I’m hoping for and I’m still…stuck? That’s what the last year has felt like certainly. Changes have been made, and yet, I’m here. Still.