thoughts

Getting There

I’ve rewritten this blog about four times this morning because I’ve got the desire to put some feelings out there, but I’m not sure what those even are. I woke up about an hour ago with this overwhelming wave of melancholy that I need to rinse off with words. Cast off the ick, throw it into the abyss of the internet, watch it spiral into obscurity–it’s a ritual that’s always made me feel better.

So, I guess I’ll just dump all my career-related woes here and flush them away:

  • I’m having trouble envisioning success.
  • I need to nix the word “deserve” from my vocabulary.
  • I should just write the story that I want to write.
  • I gotta focus.
  • I have to stop worrying about who will be impressed and who will think less of me for what I’m doing–in fact, I have to realize no one thinks about me at all especially since they don’t care one iota about what I create.
  • I have to stop caring that other people don’t care.
  • I need to appreciate my tiny circle of people who do care.
  • I need more page reads, more sales, more reviews, more eyes on my stuff.
  • I need to finish this trilogy so I can start advertising.
  • I’ve got to get ahold of my fear and self loathing in regard to advertising.
  • I must learn to accept I will probably never be on a shelf.
  • I’d really like to see other’s success and feel more inspiration than desperation.
  • I want to feel okay asking for help.
  • I’d like to cultivate confidence in my work that keeps me from stalling but doesn’t allow me to be okay with crap.
  • I need to find my audience.
  • I wanna make money god damnit, and I don’t want to feel bad about that!

I know the solution to just about everything here is “just write” and “see a therapist,” so back to Scrivener which serves both of those needs.

1 thought on “Getting There”

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