thoughts

A Handful of Thoughts on Saturday Night

I just watched Don’t Look Up. The only thing “wrong” with this movie is that the people who need to learn from it absolutely won’t, and it gives the rest of us with brains in our heads worse anxiety than we’ve already got. Seriously, I was on the verge of a panic attack the whole time, and that is a compliment. Something about how it was shot just put me in fight or flight mode the whole time, and coupled with the message, it does its job so incredibly well that it felt like it was actually happening in real time (spoiler: it is). (Now, stick with me on this next sentence, it’s tangentially related.) The last time I was at Disney World, I got to ride Flight of Passage at Animal Kingdom, this 4D Avatar flight simulator thing, which confirmed for me that we’re probably living in a simulation in real life. This movie was a very close second experience to that. I want to tell you to go watch it because it is perfect (seriously, the script, the acting, the cinematography, nothing was a disappointment), but also don’t watch it because it is perfect (it will ruin all other movies and make you feel, in general, like hot garbage), but also watch it because, fuck me, it’s good.

Here’s another thing, totally unrelated, but part of a brain dump I need to do to move on from this week: You know that song “Chasing Cars” by Snow Patrol? There was this post that used to float around tumblr back in the mid-late 00s when this heartbreaker of a jam came out that hypothesized the song was from the point of view of an elderly dog who can’t run about and play like he used to, trying to express his love for his owner before he passes. It’s probably been 15 years since I saw the brief two or three lines some stranger wrote to express this headcanon, and every single time I hear this song, I sob like a broken human. Anyway, now I associate the song with Rutherford, and unfortunately I had a breakdown today remembering him and realized I am not just like a broken human, but actually am one. I mean, I knew this, but also now it’s right in the forefront of my brain. There were hours and days that I, indeed, just lay there with him on my chest in this daze knowing it was the end and being afraid he would wake up and forget me again, and I think that’s caused some irreversible damage. Oh, well! Quick–something else!

John Scalzi wrote a crazy good blog today. I mean, he almost always does, but today’s is really doing the work. The fragility of the male ego truly rivals that of a Christmas ornament reflected in a cat’s eye. He also recently wrote a post about losing a cat. I have a lot of feelings about that and the universal feelings of pet loss and the shared empathy we should have as humans about that, but I can’t really get those out super good right now, so just pretend I chucked em all up right here, k?

Hey, did you know Vacancy, as a series, is complete, totally published, and available for you to own? Since you’re here, you probably did, but I’m saying it again because it’s becoming clearer and clearer to me that, like, I need to focus on the things I care about, and it’s funny because, on the outside, I think I’m coming off to everybody as having it all together and digging in and getting the shit done, and, like, I am getting the shit done–work-wise, I’m producing better than ever, and I’m marketing and advertising and girl-boss-ing–but the last couple months have actually presented me with some major downers in my personal life that I won’t share online and have actually made real-life me hibernate, in a way, so, the point is, I’m really focusing on making my career work because it’s one thing I can be proud of.

Also, I went to the Edith Wharton House and now I want to write a dark fantasy set in a big mansion about a woman who unravels the mysteries of her past, is seduced by and then defeats a cult, and cuts the heart out of a vicious man. Coming, like, winter 2025. Maybe.

@authorakcaggiano

Edith Wharton House. Someday I’ll set a tragically beautiful coming of age dark fantasy here #authorsoftiktok

♬ Shake It Out – Florence + The Machine

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