Taming Wyverns on Hiatus and Other Bad News

So, bad news to end the year on, but Taming Wyverns & Other Wild Beasts is on indefinite hiatus. Some of you may remember that I originally planned to release this standalone on December 1^st, 2024 and then I pushed that back to February 1^st, 2025. The reason then, the book just wasn’t ready, is the same now, but more, and it’s extended to me: I’m just not ready. In fact, I’ve become the opposite of ready—unready, or rather more colloquially, burnt out.

It’s not writing’s fault. I love writing. Even when I have no words, storytelling is my absolute favorite thing, and I can’t imagine my life without it. But you can overwork your brain and run out of chutzpah, and I basically did that in 2024. It wasn’t all due to work—my personal life and health took big fucking dives too, but the fact I regularly work ten-hour days, six days a week minimum running an entire business by myself while being the sole creative force behind my output definitely didn’t help.

And what really sucks is that I’m actually disappointed in my overall output for 2024. I didn’t even overproduce to end up this way! Bound and Tide took a much bigger toll on me than I expected, and organizing the Foes to Flames anthology, while extremely rewarding, was taxing too. And that’s all I did! At least, that’s all I released. I did a lot of stuff behind the scenes, planning and writing other pieces and working on some bigger business dealings, and I suppose I also opened a book box shop which has been a whirlwind! But I really thought I’d have at least one more book to my name by 2024’s end.

It’s just not worth it if that book isn’t right.

And Taming Wyverns went so wrong! The major problem when I just look at the manuscript is that I second guessed myself (and third and fourth guessed too). The original plot was pretty simple and had a charming tropeyness (and subversion) that I really liked, but as I waded through the weeds of the plot, I doubted the choices I made. Will people like this good dragon/evil dragon dynamic? Is a kidnapping like this what readers are expecting out of me?

Now, I always have those kinds of worries, and I don’t think they’re inherently bad because I intend to produce content that my core audience enjoys. It’s still art even if it’s finetuned. But the worm of uncertainty burrowed so deeply in my brain that I didn’t even realize it was there, and I reworked the whole thing over and over until the result was basically soulless characters and a plot that felt way too contrived (which is extra funny considering I was worried the original plot was cliché.)

I eventually came to realize that I had a manuscript that I loved the first third of, felt meh about the middle bits (except a few fun steamy scenes), and had a non-existent ending. So, I decided I wasn’t going to kill myself making that work because in the end, it wouldn’t really work, it would just be mediocre, and I’d still be burnt out. I took zero time off between projects in 2024, so I didn’t get to simmer in my plotting pot, and if I rescued Taming Wyverns for that 2/1/2025 release, I would have to dive into my next project without the proper prep or any downtime which would just perpetuate the cycle of exhaustion.

I haven’t really taken a break since I started self publishing back in 2020. The only time I put aside writing and my business is to do other stressful things like move across the country (and since 2020 I have lived in seven different houses!) I don’t even really celebrate my releases beyond a few social media posts and maybe going out to dinner. I always just throw myself right back on the grindstone to wear away my already thinned spirit. The storytelling parts of my mind never really turn off, and I’m grateful for that even if I haven’t taken a shower “alone” since 1995, but there’s a limit to what we can all do, and I finally crashed into mine with all the force of a Sisyphean boulder. (That’s a little dramatic, but I like those words, so I’m leaving them.)

For what it’s worth, I am sorry. I know this post probably doesn’t sound like it, but believe me when I say no one is more disappointed than I that Taming Wyverns is being shelved. That manuscript represents over a year of work and over a thousand dollars that will now just hang out on my hard drive. But making this choice feels like such a relief that it’s hard to be melancholy or too apologetic about it. Trust me, you’ll be happier with no book than a bad one! I’ve spent a lifetime being sorry for simply existing, and the closer I get to 40, the more I realize it’s okay to be human just like everybody else.

Also, I see so many of my peers expressing similar sentiments: they’re just fucking tired. I mean, we’re all fucking tired, and the world is a god damned mess. Specifically, when it comes to self publishing, you just put your entire soul into the work to so often be torn apart and disappointed and written off, but you can’t really slow down or you’ll fall impossibly far behind or you’ll be forgotten and lose any kind of momentum you’ve created. “You’re on your own, kid,” is very much the prevailing sentiment. While I love this job, and I’m so grateful that you, Dear Reader, have made it possible for me to do, I just really need a nap.

So, what does this mean for Taming Wyverns & Other Wild Beasts? The story isn’t actually dead! She’s just resting. She has no release date now, and I will be working on other projects that you’ll most definitely see released before her. But maybe someday you’ll just be surprised, and she’ll be here! Or maybe not. The book needs a lot of finessing and a total rewrite which I’d like to someday do, but I have other projects I’m working on that need my focus right now, and more importantly, I need to hibernate.

Here’s to hoping for a better 2025. That’s always the way we look at a new year, but I’ve made some changes in the last few months that will help me get there. I cut out toxicity that was using me like a tool instead of seeing me as a person, shifted my focus to fun, indulgent projects that will keep me happy, and I’m working with partners now who are supportive and will allow me to grow. And there’s the self-care part: instead of seeing myself as a gratification machine for others, I’m working on seeing myself as a person. Wild.

Announcements are coming in early 2025 about future projects, so no worries, I’m not actually going away! I couldn’t, I love books and readers far too much. I’ve got an exciting lineup of stories I can’t wait to hand over to you guys and some special projects that still feel more like dreams than actual things that are for realsies gonna happen! I just need a little lie down and a few days where I stare at a blank screen and let the stories play out before my fingers get to writing again. Thank you for being with me for however long you have been, Dear Reader, and thank you for suffering this diatribe. More silly, steamy, sentimental stories coming soon.